Self-Sabotage and Early Childhood Programming

I think one thing you keep saying is consistency. That's really the secret. People do mentorships and consults with me all the time, and they act like I've got some weird secret, right? There's no fucking secret. Like the secret is you need to be consistent for a long time. Now, that's easy to say. It's not easy to act on when people are desperate for results. And so when you become in a highly sympathetic state, your thinking portion of your brain drops out and your limbic system takes over. So you start being very reactive instead of proactive. You self-sabotage a lot. And then a lot of people have early childhood traumas or even adult traumas that they've got all this baggage they don't realize they have and they're not willing to get help. So for a lot of them, especially in our industry, if you want to see the most dysfunctional, fucked up people in the world, they're personal trainers. And a lot of the personal trainers don't realize how fucked up they are. And so what ends up happening is they've got, you know, issues of sexual trauma, psychological trauma, emotional trauma, physical trauma, all this stuff that's happened to them that they've kind of just swallowed and try to hide somewhere. And they go into personal training to help people because they won't help themselves. But you can't help anybody unless you get help yourself first. So, like I said, like 90 something percent of the people that we train online are other coaches. And it is difficult to get them, a lot of them, to do what they need to do because they constantly self-sabotage. They self-sabotage because they're not willing to go get counseling or trauma therapy. Their addiction ends up being training. And so they're addicted to helping people. Or at least most of the trainers I know, that's what they're doing. Like nowadays, everyone wants to be a trainer because they think it's an easy job that they're going to make lots of money at. That's why all these assholes, these business assholes are teaching people how to market funnels and sales and all this shit. And they're teaching this to trainers who don't know what the fuck they're doing. So they're basically selling you – it's like buying a car. They're selling you a really shitty car with all these busted up issues, and they're selling it at a premium price. They don't actually know what they're doing. Whereas I come from the old school of you learn how to be a really good coach first. then you charge more money right but like i've done lots of trauma counseling therapy and and people need to understand like it could have been the simplest thing when you were a kid that wouldn't even think was messing you up but you know when you're young your brain just it hasn't you know it takes until your mid-20s for your brain to finally finish maturing and getting to the point where you're totally cognizant of everything that's going on and you're aware of stuff. If your parent said something to you when you were five years old, you might not think that was a big deal, but your five-year-old self, that might have been a huge soul-crushing thing that can then affect your chemistry. It can affect your mitochondria and your biochemistry. It can affect your behavior later on in life unless you get that taken care of. So sometimes it's not about the food. Sometimes it's not about the training. Sometimes it's not about that. Sometimes unresolved shit that you need to get help on and that's the hardest thing to get people to understand yeah then even if going back to the point where you're pt if if you did have some kind of trauma you can just mask that by all the dopamine hits you get on instagram anyway that that that helps isn't it no but even on that point i actually had a client who um she suffered with bulimia and it was because like she came from an asian region country and their tradition is you have to fucking eat everything at the plate so then she developed the complete opposite thing later in life where she wanted to control back over her field so she's like nah i'm in control now which is one of the big triggers for for bulimia and stuff like that so um that could be a roadblock for a lot of people and you use psychologists obviously my degree is in psychology originally so you use that in a whole rounded way which i think people forget we have nutrition we have physios but how do you guys use that and refer out when needed um you know it's tough it's tough because you got to find the right therapy right like we we like the uh edm the edmr stuff the eye desensitization eye motion desensitization stuff but it's hard to find somebody that knows that they're doing like we've got we have a great trauma counselor in New Zealand but that that that helps if you're in New Zealand but it doesn't really help if you're in Australia or America or Europe so it's hard to find people in

You know, in a lot of cases, it's the same thing with, if you think about people who learn neurolinguistic programming and they learn, sometimes they're really good. Like, I've done a lot of NLP training, and I try to use it for good. I try to reframe somebody's mindset, reframe their narrative around what they're doing. But you get people that use it also for nefarious reasons, too. To pick up chicks. What's that? To pick up chicks. To pick up chicks or to sell people, you know. Yeah, sales ads, my son. they sell 101 as you got to find their pain point like you've got a problem let me see if i have the solution this is how much this is how much i charge for my services fix this problem but you get guys that will you get people that are overweight and they come in their office and they're like oh you need to you need to train with us because you're fat and this is bothering you and no one's gonna love you if you don't lose weight like they they sell them all this crazy shit get them trying to try to sell them training i hate that stuff see that stuff being in the psychology uh area you probably see this too like most uh and and you know i don't really know you well but a lot of us like people that go into psychology counseling they're real fucked up too yeah 100 yeah it's just like having a really good accountant who's their books are fucked and they're in massive amounts of debt, they can fix your shit. So it's hard to find, um, hard to find those people. So what, some of the things that we do is we, we look for red flags, what they're saying. Um, and then we try to, we try to work through the networks to find them somebody they can help out. And sometimes you have to go to multiple people before you find a good fit. Right. Uh, I like trying to find to someone who understands, um, the whole, the whole the hypothalamus role in the whole renal and also controlling the sympathetic nervous system i try to find counselors who understand that stress response but if you don't calm that down they can't get their limbic system to stop taking over and so they're not going to be able to rationally work through that stuff yeah it's always the way it's it's kind of like going to psychology for weight loss but they have fucking no idea about nutrition so it's like well the hell are you gonna you can't give any advice when it comes to that as well and especially like you're saying with um childhood traumas and stuff like that you could be going well on on a good plan but obviously something may trigger that and then that could be just your constant roadblock for for tripping out and binging over and over again right