Childhood Trauma and Motivation

Mine was something my mother said to me, which a long time, that same thing where she said, well, this will be a hobby that you'll never make a career out of this. That's my mommy issue thing. And it seems like such a stupid thing to hold on to. But when you're really passionate about something and you're like 19 or 20 years old and for somebody to, you've got a long, I mean, you're looking at like 60 to 70 more years of life. And when you're like, this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. And then your parents, someone in authority that's always been there for you, shoot you down, man, I don't really fuck you up. Right. And, uh, when I was a little kid, I was, I was an eighties kid. So I was into Kung Fu and ninjutsu and all this stuff because of Bruce Lee and all that stuff. So I did a lot of martial arts and I was told at home that if you use this on anyone defending yourselves, you're going to get it worse when you get home. So I know how to kick people's asses, but I had to let myself get my ass kicked all the time because I knew if I got in trouble at school for knocking somebody out, I'd get in trouble at home even worse. So I ended up, you know, starting to bash the weights because I thought, man, if I get real fucking big, nobody's going to mess with me. And then when I got to college, I realized that drunk dudes love to mess with big guys. Yeah, that's the truth. And then he gets you in a lot of fucking trouble when you're 124 kilos and some tiny little guy's fucking with you because he's got a little bit too much liquid confidence in him. Yeah, it's a weird thing. There's almost like there's a bro code and then there's an anti-bro code. The bro code is like you walk past a big guy and they look at you and they're like, they give you a nod like, you and me, bro. And I'm like, no, not really. But sure. And then the opposite of that is like I say this to Liz, like I just want to walk the beach with my shirt off because I wouldn't mind getting some sun. Yeah. but I know for certain people are like, look at that fuckwit, you know, whereas some fat dude or some super skinny dude can walk the beach freely and everyone's just like, good on them, man. They don't even become noticeable. It's super weird. Yeah. Yeah. A hundred percent. Like, um, I mean, I won't even, if, if I'm not in, if I can't see like at least, at least four abs, if I'm not at least 15% body fat, I won't take my shirt off at the beach. I'm like, I'm good. I'm good. I don't want to get chafed, man. And I don't want to get fined, you know? I'm so safe.