Health Crisis and Returning to Medication

i'll tell you what happened um i was off of it for a long time and i was just struggling i didn't realize why you know i just like you know i thought i had everything under control and i didn't um and then when i was in right right when covid hit i was in texas giving a five-day seminar. And Zoe called me. She goes, look, I've got to change your flight. You got to come home and

They're going to shut the borders down and you're going to get stuck in Texas. Okay. Which that calls me just an enormous amount of grief because I've never, ever canceled a seminar, especially right in the middle of it. Never canceled one. Oh, and I would, you know, I would be, you know, dying of colon cancer. I'd still give the seminar. I wouldn't give a shit. I ended up going to the emergency room that day or the next day because I had a panic attack and I was like freaking out. My heart rate was like 180 beats per minute. And I was like, oh, God, this is a heart attack or panic attack. And I knew what it was because I've had them before, but it's been a very long time. Go to the emergency room. They gave me a benzo. I calmed down. I'm like, OK, go back to fly back to Australia. I get here. You know, COVID's going down. Everything's shit in the bed. We had bought our gym five days before we started doing lockdown. So we're in lockdown and I didn't sleep. I was I was so anxious and so stressed out about it that and I started having a panic attack but it was one of these really mild ones that you don't feel panicky you just feel despair you don't know why and then i didn't sleep for like four days and i started hallucinating i started getting um i started getting like visual hallucinations or factory hallucinations started hearing things and i was like well that's not good um but i didn't want to i didn't i was like i probably need to go the doctor now but that's typically what happens when you don't sleep for like four days. And, um, uh, I was actually, I was actually getting quite scared, but I didn't want to call like a hospital or call anybody because I didn't want them to end up saying, well, now we're going to put you for three days. We're going to stick in this room and observe you. I didn't want to freak anybody out. So, um, I finally, I finally got to sleep. And then the next day I went to the doctor and I said, look, this is what's happening. I have panic attacks, blah, blah. So she prescribed me some diazepam to use, you know, uh, if I needed it. And, uh, she tried to put me on an antidepressant and I go, look, I'm not depressed. I'm not at all depressed. I'm like, there's something else wrong. Like I don't try to put me on Lexapro. And she went like straight to the highest dosage. And I went, I'm not taking that. Like I'll just take the diazepam. And then I started thinking about, I go, you know what, listen, you know, I'm supposed to be on ADD medication. I haven't taken it for a while. Cause I just felt like I had under control. I think if I just get back on my ADD medication, this will go away. And so she was like, well, I'm not really supposed to. I said, look, I can tell you the dosage I used to be on. I can tell you every, every drug I've been on the dosages, how long I took it, at what age I took it. You know, I don't want to have to get referred to a psychiatrist to get, you know, so she says, you know what, fuck it. If you already know, we'll just start you out on a, on a half dose. And I'm like, cool. Start taking it. Everything went away, like no more panic I was getting, um, I was getting arrhythmias and shit. And I was, uh, all that went away. The minute I got on my Vyvanse, my heart, I stopped skipping beats. I stopped feeling my heart popping because I would every like fourth beat I would hit a thump. And so I had to go get it like an echo. I went and got an ECG EKG, had to go to the cardiologist a couple of times. Cardiologist goes, I don't know why your doctor even sent you here. You're perfectly fine because everything's great because you're an athlete. You got an athlete, like you got an athlete type heart so it's gonna sound a little different than normal people and i went all right cool so i'm good he's like i'm good took my vivance nope i haven't had a single problem the last few years since i've been on the vivance last two years wow like