Addressing Childhood Trauma in Coaching

And that's, you know, that's, you've got to, you have to recognize the red flags and you have to recognize where the, where the line on the sand is, what you can and can't do or say. Like one of the things that we'll do with some people, if we see red flags, we'll send them an ACE score sheet, which basically measures childhood trauma. And if we see that the number is at a certain level, we'll recommend that they go get some trauma counseling because, you know, they could have baggage that they're not consciously understanding. That's kind of subconscious baggage that they can't process through that they need to get rid of. And that could be leading to a lot of these feelings of lack of self-worth and self-sabotage and things like that. And, you know, more coaches need to have the balls or the ovaries to tell these people that, look, I think you need to go see someone. And I think that most trainers in the industry should also probably get counseling too, because I've never seen so many fucked up dysfunctional people, myself included, in one industry. And so it makes a big difference when you go in and work on your own issues. And then it gives you more leverage to talk to clients about, hey, this is what I was going through something very similar to you, maybe a little different, but I went and talked

and it really helped me out a lot and got rid of some of these issues I was dealing with, I really recommend you maybe go talk to somebody and just see if that's for you. And that way you can empathize with them and you're kind of on the same team and you've been there before so you understand how they feel. So let's see if we can get you with someone that can help you get over these hangups that you have because that's not something I can do because I don't have the credentials for it. Yeah, I think too like it says a lot about communication and not being afraid to say those things not being afraid of honesty. I think a lot of people are afraid to be honest and they fear somebody's reaction. But again, you're doing both of you a disservice. If you can't say what you know is really going to help this person, then you just deal with the fallout. And if they leave, they leave because they couldn't handle the truth and that's okay. And you knew that you did the right thing. And that was basically the best that you could do. Yeah. And the thing is too. Like these people, if they're not willing to get help and they're always a Debbie Downer and they're always telling you about their problems, that's going to have an effect on you as well. So it's, you're better off getting them to go get some help or just referring them to someone else. Um, because you, you don't want to, you don't want to take that shit home every day where it's all this negativity and all they do is, is bash on your own emotional state because they won't address their emotional state. Have you had to fire clients for that? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I won't put up with it. You know, you're hiring me as, I don't like the word expert, but you're hiring somebody with more expertise than you. And so if part of my instructions is you need to work within, not just work without, or work in, not work out, and you need to get maybe talk to somebody here. I want you to take this test. Oh, God, this is your score. Listen, I really think you need to go see somebody. Let me give you a referral to someone to talk to and see what they think. And they've got there are a lot of coaches, a lot of our students. I know Juggie in the UK. He's the Indian Indian body coach. And he's like all he does is train Indians. And he's done everything. He's done the mentorships. He's done program design. He's done foundations, everything. And the first thing he did when he started his company is he got with a trauma counselor. And every client gets one session that's already paid for in their initial package so that they can talk to that person. And that counselor can tell them whether they need ongoing help or whether it's a simple fix. That's brilliant. And he gets crazy good results because he addresses that psychological, emotional part, not just the physical part. I think that that's actually that's a really good idea because I've noticed even more during quarantine, people will use their check ins as like a journal and like it's just diarrhea of their thoughts because they don't talk about this stuff with anybody else. And it's the only time per week that they actually get introspective and think about, OK, how do I act around this or how is my mood? Like no one asks me that or I don't talk to anyone or see anybody. So it's yeah. And, you know, it's it's really a lot worse for the guys than the girls, I think, because, you know, at least the most of the girls know they're like crazy. But most of the guys don't know it because we're told to swallow our emotions and you're not a man if you cry and you can't talk about things. So a lot of guys just bottle that shit up, which I don't understand because I'm a I'm a I'm like the woman in my relationship. So I talk I talk about everything and I have a big cry at least once a week just to get it out. but a lot of guys are you want to be macho and they don't think that that they think that that's weak but what's weak is not addressing it and then being a burden on yourself and everyone else around you yeah and you like ballet too right i love ballet yeah i love musicals ballet zoe zoe hates them i'll drag them to him but she drags me to shit like justin bieber how can you not like justin bieber come on you know i'm not gonna lie the concert was pretty good